My refections of understanding my Path

I once listened to someone tell me my art won’t make money and I should go to college for graphic design.

So I did, even though I lacked desire for it. I was just listening to what I was told from someone I considered authoritative.

I became so sick while in college years ago I didn’t understand why. I could not focus and I forced myself to try and do my best but I felt profoundly that I was missing something.

I went to many doctors that told me nothing was wrong and prescribed me anxiety pills.

That did not help.

I quit college after 2 years and earned half the credits for my degree. I did not have intentions of going back and I continued to spiral due to being ungrounded in my purpose.

I had several tragedies that spun me farther away from my path of knowing what I was put here to do and be.

Finally in 2022 I have a platform to stand on.

In many ways I learned  how to heal myself, but it wasn’t easy.

I have to gain the confidence, boundaries, and self discipline to know what I wanted and what my body was telling me.

Honest truth: I am still in the beginning stages .

But I have the vision now.

I can see it all coming together.

My biggest message to self?

Be slow.

Breathe and adopt meditative and body movement practice.

I was so fast and so hooked on external illusive drama that I became consumed and never fully developed my own sense of passion and self worth.

A lot of us have come from broken families, this is true of me.

I had no one to look to. Furthermore, I actually had to get away from the ones that were there, trying to sabotage my efforts at bettering my life.

With no support system I have had to forge my own path.

I am not done yet and there is much work to do.

But there is a pleasure in this.

A pleasure in doing something for myself, for the betterment of myself.

The reward will come.

Daily rewards like going into nature, unwinding after a day of “doing”.

Rewards like seeing a return on my degree and art ventures.

…and more to come.

But until we step into our authenticity, we will remain.

And no longer will I just remain.

-Lauren Chagnon (Koda Blu) April 2022