Jamie Kickery

Grace Von Moritz

Berkshire Community College

Summer 2024

Fatherhood has been an immensely profound and life-changing experience that has significantly transformed me. Individuals with prior experience as parents impart their insights and emotions regarding their initial experiences with parenthood. It is unequivocally undeniable that no amount of preparation can adequately equip one for the overwhelming emotions experienced when cradling their child in the pivotal moments following birth. In reflecting upon the initial moments, I was able to identify a range of profound emotions, most notably a sense of happiness.  I experienced overwhelming uncertainty as I gazed into my daughter’s eyes. My thoughts raced with questions: Would I prove to be a competent father? Would I possess the ability to impart the knowledge essential for her success in life? I aspired to nurture her, alongside my wife, into a compassionate and considerate woman. Fortunately, prior to the birth of our daughter, I had acquired some experience in parenting. When I met my wife, she was already a mother to two boys. I had been solely responsible for raising them due to their father’s lack of involvement in their lives.

Before meeting my wife and her sons, I must admit I wasn’t ready for life, let alone taking care of anyone other than myself. Watching how their mother had to make sacrifices for them in her life, whether working multiple jobs or working under the table, and seeing how strong she had to be shaped me in many ways as a developing parent at that time, and even still to this day it still shapes me.  I grew up in foster care and came from divorced parents, so I wanted something better for my kids. While I had a strong, supportive father from my foster dad, I wished my bio dad was all those things my foster dad was to me. Coming from that background made me want to be an even stronger father. It made me want to give my kids as much support and love as possible. Looking back on it now, I might have overdone it, or a term that I feel is overused “smothered” my kids in love.

Fatherhood has been an incredibly transformative experience for me. It has instilled in me a sense of strength and bolstered my self-assurance. Embracing fatherhood has also revealed to me the beauty of embracing my playful and carefree side. Moreover, it has shown me the immense joy of cherishing moments with my children, tending to their needs, and enjoying time with my spouse. It still amazes me looking back at how I jumped into fatherhood with my sons without hesitation. My journey through fatherhood has helped me understand who I am, not only as a father but as a man. I see something of myself in each of my kids; in my oldest, Nathaniel, I see my perseverance; in Johnathon, I see my need to understand how things work so he can fix them on his own. In my oldest daughter, Briana, I see her creativity, and in Kai, I see my drive for success.

Over the past three years, I have also been a foster father to my niece. Unfortunately, due to no fault of her own, she was placed in foster care. I and my spouse took her in as a kinship placement and am now, after three long years, beginning to adopt her. It’s genuinely remarkable how life comes full circle. Having been raised in foster care myself, I have a deep understanding of the challenges and uncertainties that go with it. When my niece was placed in foster care, I didn’t hesitate to step in as her “foster dad.” I wanted to provide her with the love and support I yearned for during my time in foster care.